Week 7 Story: The Throne Room
Bibliography
"The Labors of Yamamoto - The Grotto of Love", from Romance of Old Japan, Part I: Mythology and Legend by E. W. Champney and F. Champney. Read "The Grotto of Love".
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Yamamoto took a deep breath in an attempt to steady his nerves before entering the grotto where Benten resided. He wasn't nervous. No, rather, his heart soared at the prospect of being only seconds from seeing the beautiful goddess with his own eyes. The thought of his wife Tacibana sitting desolate at home briefly flashed through his mind and heavied his heart, but Yamamoto quickly pushed the intrusive thought aside.
He was a prince, and princes deserved whatever they desired. Tacibana knew that when they were wed, and any pain she experienced now was her own fault. It was Tacibana's fault for being so unerringly devoted and wearing her heart on her sleeve. She had to have known that it was only a matter of time before Yamamoto needed the company of other women. As beautiful as Tacibana was, she couldn't compare to Benten, a goddess.
Yamamoto took one more deep breath, and then stepped into the grotto. Immediately, he felt his spirits lift as he was confronted with the pure beauty of his surroundings. The floor beneath his feet was the softest sand he had ever felt. Tiny waves of turquoise water lapped at his feet as sand as bright and rich as gold shimmered underneath. The ceiling was equally as marvelous. Shiny, illuminated mother-of-pearl shone overhead and reflected the shimmer of the sand and crystal-clear water. It seemed as if bells rang in Yamamoto's head from all of the pure beauty his eyes took in.
Distracted by the beauty of the grotto, it took Yamamoto a full minute before he realized he stood only feet from Benten, the Goddess of Deathless Love, herself. Benten hadn't even spoke yet and Yamamoto was captivated. Her dark hair was pulled into an elegant bun, but a few shining strands framed her heart-shaped face, which was youthful and glowing. Beautiful jewels laid around her neck and tied up her hair. Robes of clear, turquoise water flowed over her body, rippling with her every breath. In every aspect of her being, she was the beautiful, other-worldly goddess that Yamamoto had hoped for.
"Welcome," Benten said, breaking the silence with a voice as sweet as a babbling brook. "Please, eat. I'm sure you are weary after your travels."
Benten's handmaidens rose from her side, each bearing a plate of the most enticing food Yamamoto had ever seen. One handmaiden carried a plate full of strange fruits that glistened as brightly as the jewels around Benten's neck. Another handmaiden carried a plate with small cakes that smelled sweeter than honey. Yamamoto was speechless.
"Take whatever you like," Benten said, smiling. "Then I'm sure you will tell me the reason you've travelled so far to see me."
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Author's Note
For this story, I wanted to focus more on practicing my word choice and descriptive language. Reading through the first couple stories in the "Story of Yamamoto" sections really inspired me, because the story was so descriptive and beautiful. I wanted to embellish on the description of the grotto a little bit more, since although the word choice in the original story was beautiful, I thought it could be expanded upon as if it were a big entrance scene in a novel. I also made the language a little bit more contemporary than the original story. If it wasn't clear, this is an excerpt from the story of Yamamoto, who is a Japanese prince who grew tired of his wife and sought the affection of the sea goddess Benten. This is only the beginning of the story, so there's not many plot points, but I thought there was so much potential in their introduction so I chose to flesh it out a little bit and embellish it.
"The Labors of Yamamoto - The Grotto of Love", from Romance of Old Japan, Part I: Mythology and Legend by E. W. Champney and F. Champney. Read "The Grotto of Love".
---------
Yamamoto took a deep breath in an attempt to steady his nerves before entering the grotto where Benten resided. He wasn't nervous. No, rather, his heart soared at the prospect of being only seconds from seeing the beautiful goddess with his own eyes. The thought of his wife Tacibana sitting desolate at home briefly flashed through his mind and heavied his heart, but Yamamoto quickly pushed the intrusive thought aside.
He was a prince, and princes deserved whatever they desired. Tacibana knew that when they were wed, and any pain she experienced now was her own fault. It was Tacibana's fault for being so unerringly devoted and wearing her heart on her sleeve. She had to have known that it was only a matter of time before Yamamoto needed the company of other women. As beautiful as Tacibana was, she couldn't compare to Benten, a goddess.
Yamamoto took one more deep breath, and then stepped into the grotto. Immediately, he felt his spirits lift as he was confronted with the pure beauty of his surroundings. The floor beneath his feet was the softest sand he had ever felt. Tiny waves of turquoise water lapped at his feet as sand as bright and rich as gold shimmered underneath. The ceiling was equally as marvelous. Shiny, illuminated mother-of-pearl shone overhead and reflected the shimmer of the sand and crystal-clear water. It seemed as if bells rang in Yamamoto's head from all of the pure beauty his eyes took in.
Distracted by the beauty of the grotto, it took Yamamoto a full minute before he realized he stood only feet from Benten, the Goddess of Deathless Love, herself. Benten hadn't even spoke yet and Yamamoto was captivated. Her dark hair was pulled into an elegant bun, but a few shining strands framed her heart-shaped face, which was youthful and glowing. Beautiful jewels laid around her neck and tied up her hair. Robes of clear, turquoise water flowed over her body, rippling with her every breath. In every aspect of her being, she was the beautiful, other-worldly goddess that Yamamoto had hoped for.
"Welcome," Benten said, breaking the silence with a voice as sweet as a babbling brook. "Please, eat. I'm sure you are weary after your travels."
Benten's handmaidens rose from her side, each bearing a plate of the most enticing food Yamamoto had ever seen. One handmaiden carried a plate full of strange fruits that glistened as brightly as the jewels around Benten's neck. Another handmaiden carried a plate with small cakes that smelled sweeter than honey. Yamamoto was speechless.
"Take whatever you like," Benten said, smiling. "Then I'm sure you will tell me the reason you've travelled so far to see me."
--------
Author's Note
For this story, I wanted to focus more on practicing my word choice and descriptive language. Reading through the first couple stories in the "Story of Yamamoto" sections really inspired me, because the story was so descriptive and beautiful. I wanted to embellish on the description of the grotto a little bit more, since although the word choice in the original story was beautiful, I thought it could be expanded upon as if it were a big entrance scene in a novel. I also made the language a little bit more contemporary than the original story. If it wasn't clear, this is an excerpt from the story of Yamamoto, who is a Japanese prince who grew tired of his wife and sought the affection of the sea goddess Benten. This is only the beginning of the story, so there's not many plot points, but I thought there was so much potential in their introduction so I chose to flesh it out a little bit and embellish it.
An artistic rendering of the goddess Benten.
(Image source: Flickr)
Hey, Alyx!
ReplyDeleteYour use of vivid language and imagery is beautiful! I had a very clear picture in my head of the setting and surroundings in which Yamamoto found himself. I can't help but feel badly for his wife, though. What happens to her? Does Yamamoto get punished in some manner for deserting his loyal spouse or does he get away with it? Is the goddess Benten content to break up marriages in this way?
Hey Alyx,
ReplyDeleteYour story really captivated me. The beginning was really intriguing and the slow forward moving action held me in rapt anticipation. The imagry you included was beautiful and so vivid that I could clearly imagine everything as you explained it. A poorly technical note, for some reason the font at the end of your story is smaller than at the beginning. Not a big deal but it threw me off. Otherwise, I absolutely loved your writing and I wish there was more. I am eager to know what happens next! Great job.
-Elyse
Wow, Alyx. Great job
ReplyDeleteI have a brother named Alex who is the most creative, unique person I know. I've always believed he has a special knack for writing, a special soul if you will. Reading your story makes me wonder if you share more than just a name.
Comments:
Your descriptive writing was on point. I especially liked "with a voice as sweet as a babbling brook."
"Tiny waves of turquoise water lapped at his feet as sand as bright and rich as gold shimmered underneath. "
I really love "tiny waves of turquoise water".
"As bright and rich as gold shimmered underneath." Maybe change this to "as bright and rich as the gold that shimmered underneath." See how I added a "the" and "that"? I think this was just a mistake unless I am missing something and you intended it be written that way. Or maybe you meant "shimmering underneath...
"It seemed as if bells rang in Yamamoto's head from all of the pure beauty his eyes took in."
This sentence doesn't seem as strong as your others. Don't get me wrong it's a good sentence, but I've set my standards high with you. There's nothing really wrong with it, and I'm unsure as to whether even comment on it. But since the rest of your writing is so perfect, I have to find something to talk about! I just think that maybe you could rephrase it in a way that makes it a stronger final sentence for that paragraph. Maybe you could say, "It seemed as though bells rang in Yamamoto's head, brought about by the absolute pure beauty that lay in front of him."
I'm pretty sure I'm just being a snob at this point-- I'm sorry!
I really loved reading this, and I think you are a fantastic writer. Hope my comments don't annoy you too much. Best of luck with your writing.